MikeMike's day in a nutshell

commuting over 17 leaves alot of time for thinking, brooding, and musing. mostly ive been reflecting over the shit thats gone down over the past month. seems to me that not too long ago i was riding pretty high and feeling more than responsible for my own luck. somewhere along the line i let that go and started getting kicked in the nuts by my own bad luck and figured it was the season for that again. well fuck that. ive had good friends cheering me up on the side and more than enough support where i doubt ill have to worry about being in a situation where i have to worry about where my next meal is coming from or where the hell im going to live when i get the boot from my house in about 6 months. those friends mean the world to me and you know who you are. i thank you from the bottom of my heart. its not all as bad as it seems though, im still alive after all and stronger for having faced the crap ive had to deal with. time to turn it around and be responsible for my own luck

i was having lunch the other day with derrick. i mentioned all the horrible shit thats been keeping me down lately. it was pretty funny but he mentioned that i have "extreme luck". it either swings one way or another at long intervals......im ready for it to swing the other way now.

too much shit, not enough places to store it. im going to be going through all my stuff, books, statues, airsoft guns. going to be sorting out all the stuff im not attached to or sentimental about and get rid of or sell the rest. a new page in my life has been turned and im ready to move forward. working with my dad has proven to be good and will bear fruit soon. i am also grateful to those close to me providing backup and support when and where ive needed it. i feel centered and happy again and its time to clean house and seek my fortune.

i didnt sleep at all. i went to bed at midnight. at around 2:30 (looking at the clock at the time) i heard a noise in the next room, it sounded like shuffling. the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end as it continued and it sounded close by, like around my counter or in the living room. i thought to myself that it could be a burglar or some animal like a raccoon or something pried the door open because maybe it smelled my garbage. i didnt know. i crept slowly out of bed painfully aware of the noises the springs made as i creeped around reaching for any sort of weapon i could find. i reached around in my closet for what seemed like an eternity trying to find the spiked mace i knew i kept in there as its heft would have made me feel much more comfortable. i didnt find it. so i leaned as far as i could and peeked into the next room barely lit by the octopus lamp and saw nothing, heard nothing. i reached over to my dresser and grabbed the sheathed bayonet that had a blade roughly 18 inches long. i held the handle in my right hand and the sheath in my left, ready to use the metal sheath as a club before i stabbed whatever the hell was in my house. so i moved as slowly as possible....into the doorway of my bedroom, searching, listening for any movements, shuffling, or breathing. i heard nothing. i saw nothing. so i stood there, for about 5 minutes waiting, thinking maybe they heard me and were waiting to catch me by surprise or see what i did. after 5 minutes i unsheathed the blade which made a loud *shing* noise which bolstered my confidence a bit and i searched my house, first in the dark, then turning on the lights one until turning the outside light on and checking the porch. still nothing. so i loaded my pistol, locked my door and went back to bed, leaving the outside light on, and laying my loaded pistol on the pillow next to me. i laid there listening for another hour, drifting in and out of sleep still pumped full of adrenaline. i remember having a dream of riding my motorcycle and being alone in the desert with no supplies, nothing to turn back to, and no destination in mind, just a long lonely journey that i knew was going to end in a slow, dry death of dehydration. i wasnt thirsty, but i knew it was inevitable. it had felt as if i had accepted that fate long before i was conscious of the situation in the dream and i just fell into the middle of it. then i woke up....exhausted. i checked my house again, unloaded my pistol and i still wonder what made that sound.

been playing alot of mini games, out of a relationship. street fighter 4 is awesome, so is world of goo. i got my dirtbike back AAAAND i fixed it. its still a piece of shit but it runs. ive been confused alot and depressed but its nothing i wont bounce back from. my job is stable....ish. my 30th birthday is the 14th which is kind of terrifying. not sure what to do...i didnt really make plans. a friend is taking me out that night but thats probably it. maybe ill host a party when alex comes to visit after the 20th. im pretty excited about that. also resident evil 5 comes out soon. which is almost as exciting :)



....toughing it out

so things havent been going their best lately. i havent been posting much if at all in the recent months so i do this mostly for myself. as a jounral entry in the classic sense of the word. i find myself at a new crossroads in life. many choices and things attempting to herd me in ways i dont like. also, who is to know the right path to take. my job situation is hazy at best. my boss knows im good at what i do but she has no work for me and has temporarily tucked me into a site at which 1/2 a person could do but there are now two people at. i may get let go of soon if she cant find me a site to work at. also being at this site has given me precious little time in which to study stock market and day trading with my dad, its falling to the back burner and i dont know if thats going to work out either. its very difficult and its something that if you plan to do it should be all inclusive. meaning i should be studying it for most of the day and working towards a serious goal. being deep in dept is not a fun thing and last week i got myself in even deeper. my truck finally died and i had to replace it. not having enough mone in savings to cover it i made a four grand cash advance on my credit card and am in the red big time because there is just no other way for me to get to work let alone get around. so i bit that bullet and did it and got myself a nicer truck of the same type with alot less miles on it. its used and i juts pray this one stays working for a while. finally the icing on the cake. its no huge secret ive been having relationship problems stemming from trust issues with my girlfriend, if you are close enough then you know more or less about the whole story. but since this is my journal im not gonna divulge unless specifically asked. well a few days ago while we are still trying to figure out how to make it work she gets some random ass psychological attack email from some "girl" on myspace. the two she got so far just dripped with a high school immaturity and im not totally sure if it was meant as an attack on me or even a female to begin with. the emails went suchly:


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Dark
Date: Dec 12, 2008 9:11 AM


This is what I like about girls like you, showing your fake confidence. And you are wrong about Mikemike, he was and he is still attracted to me, in fact, he has tasted me so many times, he knows what I am made of. This is an enjoyable waste of my time. This is not a fake account, I use it to write to lame girls like you.

love,
Dark

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Monica
Date: Dec 12, 2008 12:48 AM



It's amusing that you think that any other girl could pierce the love that we have for each other. I know his heart belongs to me alone and am one hundred percent confident in that fact just as I know my heart belongs to him. As for being sexy and dirty you make me laugh even harder. He doesn't go for the nasty slut type of girl either and if you think he would be attracted to someone who would stoop to this sort of pettiness then you have another thing coming. Especially if you think that this is what you are made of. Lol. Sorry whoever you are. wasting time to make a fake account for an attack like this an enjoyable waste of your time.

love,
monica

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Dark
Date: Dec 11, 2008 2:17 PM


You make me laugh. Mikemike is mine! he was, he is, and he will always be. And he will be back to me soon, I just need to show him what I am made of, and he will remember how sexy and dirty I can be.



--------------
well you start from the bottom up of course but you get the idea. i was chuckling to mysef when she called me in to read them but she took them a bit too seriously. what the hell? seriously? well whoever it was is getting what they wanted and more from this because monica is pretty pissed, thinks i may even have cheated on her, and i may lose this relationship because of it. yay life

how do you save money, make sure it doesnt go in value, and prepare for a possible depression? easy! im going to be putting aside money from each of my paychecks towards purchasing silver and gold....literally. i dont always have enough to but a whole ounce of it since thats aout how much each of my paychecks are but 10 ounces of silver will go up in value probably faster than gold and is much more affordable. also this sates my inner desire to hoard treasure.

so monica and myself decided that it was high time we started working towards our goals of getting fit and liking who we see in the mirror. since monica isnt ready to start a gym membership yet due to lack of funds (she will be at her new job next month) we started the embarrasing task of entrusting our fitness to the wii.....for the most part. we started our characters on wii fit. (well mine was left stagnant for 78 days so i started him up again...yep, still overweight, thanks BMI fuck you too). that was fun and embarrasing but i didnt feel winded so we decided to go do jumpropes. well 3 months ago i was able to do a thousand jumpropes without resting......ummm yeah not so much anymore. i got to 500 and wanted to die, it felt like a kitten crawled into my throat to take a nap and didnt want to come out. a rather sour phlegm tasting kitten. then monica went while i rested then i did 300 more, then decided fuck it why not finish off a thousand, even if it wasnt in a row without resting? well next day i took two steps off the bed and almost fell on my face. it felt like paul bunyan took a swing at my calves. this was 3 days ago and im still limping all over the place. note to self, the body manages to get itself out of shape a SHITLOAD faster than it takes to get IN shape. also....i didnt stretch before jumping. woopsie!!

but i see you for what you really are you jack-knifing whore. a rollercoaster of profit and loss but i will reign you in and make you mine oh yes i will. the economy is doing some interesting stufs recently as just about everyone has been talking about but in the end its not really a big deal. sure maybe the gap between the rich and poor will get a shit ton bigger but itll work itself out. heres the funny thing about a market crash too...all that money that people lose when they invest it....it doesnt just vanish into thin air, someone GETS that money. ive been training in futures and day trading for the last year, learning graphs, moving averages, spotting consistent pattterns. the only thing that can stop us is a flatline. bear markets get shorted and going long on the bulls is easier said than done but ive been putting a shitload of freetime towards this so i can have a calling. and this is what ill be doing. im both excited and anxious because behind all the high probability trades we make theres always that 20 percent chance it wont go as predicted. but it should work out. and if it does you are all invited to mikemike manor to celebrate

lot has happened since last time i really posted. the ups and downs of life have hit me pretty hard. not that i lead a terribly exciting life but the stresses and joys of life are starting to take their toll. i no longer feel like theres nearly enough time in the day to do what i need. the fantasy of commiting a serious bank heist becomes more and more attractive as my debt increases and family who have promised to repay me for my kindness forget their promises and leave me high and dry to fend for myself and lose trust in blood connections that run thinner than mineral spirits. today i felt panicked, short of breath, a dry taste in my mouth, it had all caught up with me and i wasnt sure what to do, what my priorities were, or where to turn. i knew it for what it was, just a mild freak out because things always turn out right in the end, where they should be. but still uncharacteristically i was suffering from something that i was embarrassed to be having, a panic attack. it felt like i was stuck at the bottom of a muddy well, sinking slowly with no hope of rescue or the ability to climb out. normally i like to have one or two outs in life, i like to have my parachute and my safety net in case things go wrong so i can bail when things turn sour. lately it seems ive been flying blind with all engines on fire. no safety nets. no parachute. i expect no help, i dont like to pressure or burden others with my problems. im proud that i can take responsibility for my own messes, can take out my own trash. its true that i have some very close friends who would in a heartbeat set their issues aside and help if it was needed. but i always find it too hard to accept help from others. this morning i awoke with an ominous feeling, one thing after another going wrong, from car problems, work issues, and family once again betraying my trust, i should have learned by now youd think. today i put my life on pause for a few hours. i couldnt handle it so i took the easy way out with no shame, i popped 2 morphine pills left over from when i hurt my back and couldnt walk without incredible pain, played a couple games, and then when that fuzzy feeling came i wrote down all my problems, all my stresses, anything i could think of that is putting strain on my life. this is my hit list, im going to prioritize and remove everything on this from top to bottom and god fucking help anyone who stands in my way

seems like a lot has gone down since last i posted. met new people,had new trials, grew in character and watched as others did the same. some more, some less. burning man is fast approaching and early this year i had a nice handful of people to go and share the fun with and sadly that group has dwindled in size to one other. im not sure if its the kind of thing i want to go to alone but it might be pudent to make other friends who attend as well, if nothing else then just to have someone to putz around with or talk about the amazing things ive seen to. when i started coming to the new scene i met alot of amazing people and had (and still for the most part having) alot of fun. ive made some really good friends but the drama involved with peoples clashing personalities was something that was unavoidable. on a side note ive grown quite fond of the shades of brown that go alogn with the steampunk style. i think im going to move in that direction, brown is the new black.
to kick off my new fashion heading ive ordered a pair of brass machined goggles. oogle at the goggles

thinking more and more about plans for this years burning man. ive had quite a few people who havent been yet express interest who i think would have alot of fun and id be excited to have along on the trip this year. what im not sure though is the compatability of all of my friends. what id like to do is find a larder group to camp with, in passing nathan said that he was going to be camping with about a 15 person group which would be perfect as it would keep everyone busy and someone would always have someone to talk to if the needed or wanted to. plus theres so much going on that invariable you end up just running off on your own and exploring at your own pace. if that doesnt work out maybe i can find another group to merge ours with or just fine enough new people to make a pretty bug camp. 5-15 would be perfect. anyway i might just be overthinking things as i tend to do when i get to work and have nothing better to do, ha ha. things tend to work themselves out though. for now ill focus on making a few super badass tire costumes and see what happens from there. if anyone else is interested let me know, im still working things out in my head.

if i believed in karma i would think that maybe i did something right in a past life. ive no real pressing issues i have to deal with in life other than those little lessons in luck and trust that like to often rear their ugly head and say "oh hello mike...are you ready for your semi yearly kick to the testicles? no? too bad!" plenty of new things to reflect upon and be grateful for.

the eldest of my two younger brothers, jam packed full of douchebaggery is now working. his job as a massage therapist (read the-rapist, because all he ever talks about is copping feels) is actually paying off for him and he says he will be paying me back for his tuition i payed for soon. if i havent told you about this yet my dad (chuck as opposed to the trustworthy dad dave) asked me to loan him money for my brothers tuition for massage school and even guilt tripped me into doing it. ask me about it sometime and ill tell you, its a shit story that makes you realize that true family are the people you trust and are closest to you. blood may be thicker than water....but its definately not thicker than jello. i hope that this bit o bad luck tops the charts of shit things i have to deal with for the year. trusting family put me seven thou in credit card debt that has been a difficult up hill battle to beat. the plan is to be out by the end of the year.

on the plus side ive been making lots of new interesting friends since i started going to clubs and shows with brynn. lots of similar tastes, new things i never even knew about, and differing tastes that i still find quite interesting. as far as the gothiness of it all goes im still clinging to my own image of what it represents to me and developing my own sense of style, its just the mike way. also i absolutely refuse to do the makeup and fishnet thing. theres just some things people can get away with doing and i am for sure not one of the people that something like that would look good on. im leaning more towards a post apocalypse slant towards anything i do....that look just appeals to me.

im also finding there really arent enough hours in a day. my days have become more and more busy, jam packed full of resonsibilities from the weak ass amount of work i have to do to the fairly stressful futures trading on the e-mini S&P500. thats not even including the friends that ive been hanging out with or the company ive been entertaining. im beginning to worry that lack of sleep and improper diet are taking their tolls. once in a while which has now graduated to alot more often im finding myself thinking of words that i know for far too long. the vocabulary is there but it seems the shortcut rolodex tabs are missing and im not computing it fast enough. im pretty much having brain farts like an untuned backfiring volkswagen bus. im going to try to eat a bit more balanced and get more sleep even if it means taking naps on the down time i have throughout my day.

or ill just blame the black mold i suppose.

ah, another friday.
figured it post an update on my ever so exciting life as i havent done that in a couple weeks. so where to begin? hmmm well the story has pretty much gone around already but monday's goth night was pretty interesting. this new girl who seemed nice a few days before showed up a bit drunk early on. she was cute enough. she happened to be getting her slut on though as she totally just came up to me unprovoked and wanted to make out because ashley had just left to go get something to eat saturn. hmmm maybe she was jealous of my arm candy, maybe not. anyway i made out with her for a wee bit realizing that she was pretty drunk as she was hanging on to me just to keep her balance. also as a measure of intelligence she kept grabbing the spark plug around my neck and was constantly trying to unscrew it....thats right, unscrew it from itself. getting bored and irritated at watching her try and fail to destroy the spark plug i made my way back inside. i sat down and was just chilling for a while when i watched her make her way in, and consecutively make out with most guys one after another on the way to the dance floor....uh oh how many guys had she made out with before me!? blech gag! herpes alert! i wiped and scrubbed my mouth and lips off for all the good it would do me >.< oh well lets hope the disease gods smile upon me. she starts dancing all drunkily, with guys and girls. its a great show let me tell you, i am amused thoroughly at this point. even when she starts dancing with this girl and getting on her knees and totally going down on her under her skirt right on the dance floor, WOW O.o! the sad part is since she was so drunk it was war more funny than hot. she she grabs this other guy that looks alot like "spike" from buffy the vampire slayer and starts makin out with him. she then hops up and wraps her legs around him and does this weird reverse handstand.....ummm ok. eventually she loses her leg grip and falls to the ground and they play some sort of weird kicky game where he is trying to grab her feet and she is kicking him in the chest. eventually she gets up and grabs a barstool and starts swinging it around sorta half heartedly and whacks him right in the midsection. not too hard but amusing none the less. after a while though she ends up grabbing his hair and he is starting to look pissed. im thinking ok this has probably gone far enough so i walk up and grab her hand off of his head right before he is about to punch her in the face. lucky her. so i put my arm around her shoulder and tell her its probably time to get some air and she lets me lead her away....about half way out until she decides going out isnt such a great idea. at this point i make the decision that she really needs to just go so instead of "comradely arm around her shoulder" it turns into "its time to go you crazy bitch headlock" and start dragging her to the door. right before we make it she starts putting up some halfway decent resistance so i yell for moose because i dont want to get charged for assault or anything "HEY MOOSE THIS CRAZY BITCH IS OUTTA CONTROL." wherein i let her go and let moose take over. she then drops to the ground and starts kicking at everyone close to her yelling "rape rape rape". yeah whatever. i go back to the black room and about 3 minutes later she tears back into the place only to be dragged out by 3 people one on each leg and one for the arms. kinda like a wild boar fresh from the kill. graham is one of the people carrying her out and looks none too pleased. (see kelly's journal for what happened to her and the parts i didnt get to see). i walked out to see what was going to happen as i tend to love that kind of stuff. she got dumped outside but was trying to get back in again. rodent (a shorter gentleman with long hair) was blocking her and telling her that it wasnt a good idea to go back in but she was having none of it. she was talking shit to him and i could tell it was gonna get ugly in a few seconds so i flanked around to the left side only to see her grab his hair and watch them both go down to the pavement. i ran up to them and got to once again pry her hands from someone's hair (thank god i dont have enough to grab right now). she was also grabbing at another girls hair that was pretty pissed so she had to be pried off of someone else who was grabbing HER hair and shoving a boot into her face, fun stuff. so until the cops showed up i was holding her hand and head down in the street (not hard enough to hurt her) until the cops showed up a few seconds later. i let her go and turned her over and as i was walking away someone yells "oh shit she punched the cop" and i turn around in time to see the cop holding both of her arms behind her back with his boot on her spine. this was until the other cop could cuff her i guess. so yeah...pretty exciting night, at least i had fun.

on a side note i managed to get my wii online and will be posting my wii code soon so people can connect to me and i can kick all your asses at mario kart...this one seems so much mroe difficult than previous mare karts though >.<

my knee has also started giving me alot of problems enough to warrant going out and getting one of those neoprene knee support thingies. running 5 miles every other day i guess has been putting a strain on it so i suppose ill just stick to the eliptical machine, even though its a bit more boring not actually getting to go anywhere.

ive been keeping way too busy lately, either going to the club, chatting online, studying at my dads house, and being at work. time has been hard to make and ive not been giving enough to sleep either. gonna have to do something about that. also it seems i havent been having enough one on one time with other friends too which i miss doing. well anyway ill have to make some sort of plans, if anyone wants to hang out just give me a call, ill scrape out a few hours for ya :)

i notice that this great pichu icon slaps his ass to some of my favorite songs. right now he is rocking out to "wrap it up" by whitey. this may never get old. and no i have no life. fuck you.

oh my god,
the new grand theft auto 4 and mario kart for the wii have been sucking up all my time lately. its hard to find other things interesting at all. WOO HOO finally some decent games have come out. this last year has pretty much produced little in the way of great games. anyone feel like firing some turtle shells out of go karts or mayhaps partake in some good old fashion vehicular manslaughter?

after checking out abney park online...who are going to be playing at the maker fair next week im totally amped about possibly making an entire steam punk outfit, so rad. they dress up as air pirates and the music is folky, gothy rock and it sounds really cool. time to start learning how to work with brass and copper. hee hee.

day 1: lots of work to do. im told i need to train a new guy so he can cover for me if im sick or need a vacation or something. new guy is ok. also told we might lose this account for reasons beyond my ability to control. also given a task to rebuild the entire list of printers into a new database with a six month history of backlogged meter reads. the data entry for this task is overwhelming. im tired....and...and have the urge to eat the new guys brains for more energy mmmmm tasty energy.

day 2: havent had enough sleep from going out to the box. even more work piled up. now im having to babysit 2 employees while juggling this huge project and having to maintain a balancing act of keeping all the printers working. minion brains are not enough to sustain me now, tired, and itchy. losing motr cntrol, hate gting bst of me...tsty braaains.

day 3: itchy tasty

well i started making a few different designs for the tire vests and shoulder guards. some of them are starting to look really cool. ive also got some really rad ideas for female designs that look really good on paper. we will see if it works in real life too. i ordered a mannequin on ebay and it should be here monday so ill be able to make stuff on my own for the mediumish sized people in our group. my parents even told me i should start selling them online but id have no idea what the demand would be for that sort of thing. that and i havent perfected them %100 yet. i was also looking into using other materials and was looking into possibly getting rolls of 3/4 inch thick rubber for lining and attaching other bits but scored big time when i raided the recycling of a bike store and got all their used inner tubes. HA HA HA yes im great when it comes to that sort of thing. being resourceful i mean...not necessarily dumpster diving. shhh. anyway im excited about making my new designs into a reality.

this months revenant has come and gone. i spend a week making brynn, kelly, and my costumes. they turned out AWESOME. i have a pic posted up on myspace of mine and kelly. no one brought a real camera so that pic is from graham's cellphone. ill take some better shots of how they look later. recently ive also been having these issues also with poor short term memory. after thinking about what it might be its possible that im not getting enough sleep in the week to function normally. some nights i get 7-8 hours sleep. some nights i get 3-6. i think that the abnormal sleep pattern is affecting me un a double plus ungood way so im going to be attempting to sleep normal for a week and see if theres a possible improvement. if not....ill likely go see a doctor or something as its starting to worry me. i can still function and ive got a great sense of mechanics and working with my hands but when i get tired words and numbers jumble together and while i can read and write i dont retain it in my head and its like as soon as i read its gone from my head. im not doing drugs excessively. i DID drink way too much on my birthday and.....still feel like i need to recover but the problem has been going on since before that. its just getting worse right now.

on an up note brynn is a shoe in for burning man this year and kelly seems like she really wants to go too. so im gonna try and get as many awesomely rad people to go with us as possible and we will make our own little camp. itll be awesome. and this year i will be able to focus on all the stuff i missed last year and more likely as not, wont just play follow the leader. last year i kinda just went along with the group and did their activities for the most part. this year im gonna comb over the program a little better and check out all the rad shit i missed out on last year. im super fucking stoked.
i think that whoever decides to go with us ill make one of those uber tire vests like i made brynn and we can go as a post apocalypse gang. thatll be sweet. except i think ill remake something for kelly that will actually fit her. ha ha ha